Rough Day

Wow it’s been a long time since I wrote a blog post. I guess life gets in the way sometimes. I am making a vow to be better at this.

So today was a rough day. Do you ever feel like you work so hard only to have the very people you do it for, tell you it’s crap, or make you feel like a bad person.

I am a dance teacher. I love my job, I love my students and I also love that I have a permanent outlet for my creativity. A set of dancers who are willing to run with it when I have a bit of a crazy idea, or who can see the vision with me when I describe a performance piece to them. There is nothing I love more than to watch them get excited when they learn a new choreography for the first time, or see their group celebrations when they finally all master something that was tricky. They make me laugh, they make me yell, they make me cry tears of joy, and some days they make me cry tears of frustration and genuine hurt.

Today was one of those days.

I have spent an entire year putting together a show. Choreographing interesting, inspired pieces that are more than just your generic dance school routines. Finding costumes to compliment it, searching hours of music for the perfect song, spending evenings and late into the night creating choreography they will enjoy. I work hard. So when I am met with negative attitude from young people, for whom I only want the best, it can sting.

I’m struggling to write this and make much sense as it is very difficult to explain. I put my heart and soul into teaching my students. But it is not just about pointed toes and correct posture. On a weekly basis I listen to weeping teenagers when they fall out with friends. I mediate arguments, boost confidence, give pep talks, mentor, coach, help with homework, advise, de-stress and joke with my students. I provide career guidance, ego-boosts and a shoulder to cry on when it’s required. I try to instil in them a belief in themselves that they can carry through to other aspects of their lives. I show them how to use dance as a way of expressing themselves, of venting anger or just letting go. I try to inspire them to practice and continue to improve whilst letting them know that I am with them all the way.

Dance teaches more than technique and good form. It teaches team work, co-operation, self-esteem. It gives freedom of expression combined with a support network of fellow students. I loved my training as a child and young adult, and I have enjoyed all aspects of dance that I have worked in since. There were days when my teachers drove me crazy. But their fierce passion for my future as a dancer was so very real, it empowered me to put my ballet shoes back on and go to class the next day, to keep practicing that double turn until I nailed it, to dance through the pain of bleeding toes that had been wrapped up in pointe shoes for hours. To tap, spin, leap and kick my way through my exams and come out of the other end a better dancer and a confident adult.

Perhaps this blog post is really for me. Maybe I needed a reminder of the reasons that I do love my job. Everybody has bad days. Today I felt drained of every last ounce of energy I had left in me. I have given of myself, everything I can. I truly do understand why my teachers would get so mad. It was not because they were horrible people. It was through a genuine frustration at wanting the very best for each of their students. For each of us to achieve as much as we possibly could.

This is exactly what I want for my students, no matter how much they try to make it difficult. I try very hard to focus on the positive in all aspects of my life. Some days it is easier than others. Most things I can let go of, occasionally things get personal and it can be tricky to ignore it and not get upset. I need to learn to let myself get upset, and not beat myself up about the fact.

So, I will take what I can from today and learn from it. I have cried many tears today.

Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow will be better

Good night xx